"The 2013 Swedenborg Prize in Numerology is awarded to Antoine Pirouet, for his statistical investigation of which numbers are everywhere, everywhere I tell you."

After threat of legal action from  Aloha! Geothermal Construction and Maintenance Ltd. this post has been edited for clarifications regarding the existence of the Black Prism Group. 

"The 2013 Swedenborg Transcendence Prize is awarded to the (rumored) Black Prism Group, for their (alleged) contributions to the (assumed) Billion Year Kingdom project on the (possibly existing) Spheres Eternal volcanic island." No spokesperson for the (probably nonexistent) Black Prism Group has been available for comment.

"The 2013 Swedenborg Prize in Prophecy is awarded to Typewriter Joe, for his important production, which with clear-sighted earnestness illuminates the problems of the human conscience in our times, while constantly warning of a plane-crash which will bring about a new world order by killing United States President Jimmy Carter."

"The 2013 Swedenborg Prize in Alchemy is awarded to Svante Gedda, Martin Linné and Clara Bååth-Höglund of the Upsala Hermetic Society, for being instrumental in the creation of the Spiritual Table of Elements, by their detailed measurements of the fire, earth, water, air and ether content in common metals."

"The 2013 Swedenborg Prize in Metaphysics is awarded to Dr. Robert Fargo of the New Science Institute for his novel way of empirically and/or non-empirically determining which planet, star and subatomic particle corresponds to which saint, guru or buddha."

"The 2013 Swedenborg Prize in Healing is awarded to Mrs. Gaia Smith and His Holiness Dr. Greg Smith Krishna Raj Maharaj for their contributions in developing a method of producing life-force by vibrating crystals at frequencies corresponding to the numerological values of Bible passages."